Crabtree's Endgame

Did anyone see Suzy Kolber on the sidelines during the Colts-Dolphins Monday Night Football pregame? Her hair was huge, and her jacket '80s. She looked like Jennifer Gray in "Dirty Dancing," an instant classic when it came out in 1987.

And speaking of things that came out around 1987 (that aren't Ian McKellen), how about that Kelly Stouffer fellow? He came out of college in 1987, and was taken in the first round of the NFL draft by the Arizona Cardinals—and boy did he have quite a career! A 51.5 percent completion percentage, 7 touchdowns, 19 interceptions, 12 fumbles, and 50 sacks in 22 career games for the Seattle Seahawks. 

Yep, that's right. The Seahawks. Because, you see, Stouffer never played for the Cardinals. Instead, he decided he didn't want to play for Arizona and chose to sit out the entire year. On the eve of the 1988 draft he was traded to the Seahawks, where he had the illustrious career outlined above.

And, man, does this sound familiar. In fact, it sounds exactly like what Michael Crabtree is stupidly trying to do right now. Apparently, Crabtree thinks that by sitting out an entire season and not only not playing football but also not participating in any team drills or workouts, his draft stock is increasing. With that kind of knowledge of the relative value of things, how is he not employed by AIG?

He's betting his entire career on a team somewhere in the top nine of next year's draft deciding to take a gigantic risk on a whiny, me-first, out-of-practice player at a position that has a higher rate of failure than Kevin Costner. The thing is, at least five (maybe six) of the teams that didn't want him last year are very likely to be picking near the top again next year. It makes me wonder if Crabtree didn't hear the news that Matt Millen is no longer the GM of the Lions. There's no sucker at the top of the draft who takes receivers "just because." And even if there was, does he really want to model his career after Mike Williams?

Crabtree also can't attend the NFL combine or work out for any other team until midnight on the night before the draft. Somehow I don't see any team (except maybe the Raiders) taking a chance on a guy who's been out of football for a year and who they haven't seen do anything during that time. It's like a guy buying a Delorean sight unseen because he remembers that they used to look cool. Good luck with that investment.

My hope for how this whole thing plays out is that Crabtree does sit out the whole year. I hope he pouts and complains and refuses every offer the Niners make. I hope he re-enters the draft next year and thinks he's got the world by the grapes. I hope he laughs in the face of the Niners for making a huge mistake and not paying him the money he thinks he's worth. And I hope the Niners draft him again. In the second round. And pay him accordingly.